This weekend, upon one of many regularly scheduled visits to the wiz palace, we finally realized the only thing that truly matters in this crazy world: toilet paper.

Oh, how we once so foolishly took those gloriously quilted white squares for granted. How we mocked their delicate touch and playful bounce by way of talking bears and puppy bowling balls. How we mindlessly poo pooed the value of the majestic cloth that not only cleans our bums, but cleanses our souls.

Now that the sacred source of TP has been replenished, we vow to never wipe carelessly again. To use only what we need, and to spare a square for those less fortunate. For quilted or single ply, each gauzy cube is like gift wrapping for our golden droplets, and our dignity.

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