You know how close we are to actual Black Friday by how loudly your emails are screaming at you.

If the headline coyly whispers, “Early Black Friday alert,” go take a nap. You have plenty of time to shop. When it hits, “Pre-Black Friday FLASH SALE!” level, your Go Bag should be packed and ready for any and all shopping emergencies. By the time you wake up to the “EARLY ACCESS: 50% OFF EVERYTHING!” alarm … also don’t worry. It’s still weeks away.

It’s truly a hectic time for brands, but we can’t help but feel the need to celebrate the unsung heroes of holiday sales culture: email headline writers. These soldiers of scribble have strategically scrawled two months’ worth of progressively screamier headlines to market a Black Friday sale that has no intention of ever being over. And this is just the beginning of the season.

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